I talk to my cat, Blue, constantly. I say things like, “You’re my little baby,” and “Wow, good jump,” and “Can you stop being a jerk for like, two seconds?”
She also seems to say a lot, like, “Feed me,” “Feed me right now,” and “Stop working and play with me.”
Because I’m obsessed with her, I like to think we have a perfect, mind-meld level of communication. But what if I’m wrong? What is Blue really trying to tell me? And what am I really telling her?
I turned to cat experts to find out how cats communicate, and how we can better understand them.
Do cats simply see humans as big cats?
First, it’s worth exploring how cats perceive us, as this can shape how they communicate with us. Do they see humans as big, weird, hairless cats? Food dispensers? Or something else?
“There are so many varied beliefs here,” says Jessica Mockett, a certified feline behavior, training and holistic health consultant. “In some ways, they treat us like they would another cat,” she says – they groom us, make biscuits on us, and co-sleep with us, all things they might do with other cats in their group.
“In other ways, they look to us as a caregiver or provider,” Mockett says, noting that cats miaow at humans the way kittens do with their mothers.
However they see us, cats’ relationships with humans are deeper than they tend to get credit for. There is a common stereotype of cats as aloof little dictators who see people as their personal staff and little else. But that’s far from the truth, Mockett says.
“We know from research that cats form attachments that are either secure or insecure, just as a human child forms with their parents,” she says. “Hopefully, guardians are doing what they can to create that secure and healthy attachment.”
How do cats communicate?
“Cats communicate through sound, scent, touch, facial expressions and body movement,” says Mieshelle Nagelschneider, certified cat behaviorist and founder of the Cat Behavior Clinic.
Eyes, ears, tail, whiskers and posture all send signals. One can look at these individually; for example, wide eyes with dilated pupils can signal excitement or anxiety, while half-closed eyes with narrow pupils generally indicate relaxation and contentment. But Nagelschneider argues it is more important “to read the whole cat in context”.
“A comfortable cat generally has a relaxed body, softly held ears, and eyes that are not fixed in a tense stare,” she says. “They may approach with their tail upright, rub against you, settle nearby, or initiate play or contact.”
Slow blinking during an interaction can also be a good sign, as it’s a way of signaling relaxation and trust.
On the other hand, Nagelschneider says, a cat may signal discomfort with “a tense or crouched body, ears rotating sideways or flattening back, avoidance, hiding, growling or hissing”.
One of the most overlooked signs of an unhappy cat is what Nagelschneider calls the “lip lick”. This is usually the first sign that a cat is about to become aggressive. “If you see your cat’s pink tongue flick out briefly like it’s licking its lips, the stress response is rising,” she says.
These behaviors can point to different kinds of discomfort: fear, frustration, pain or a desire for distance.
What do cats’ sounds mean?
If cats are talking to us with all the other parts of their bodies, what do their miaows mean, then?
According to experts, this seems to be a gracious adaptation they developed over time to communicate with their human companions.
“Miaowing is not something [adult cats] do to communicate with one another,” Mockett says, though they do use other sounds, like hissing, growling, spitting and yowling.
Each sound cats make has a different meaning, says Lisa Stemcosky, a certified cat behavior consultant: trilling and chirping are “social, friendly vocalizations” and chatter is “predatory excitement”.
“Miaows are just for humans; it’s usually used when requesting something,” she says.
Purring is complex. While it can happen when cats are content, Stemcosky says, it can also be a way of self-soothing when they are stressed or in pain.
How can humans best communicate with their cats?
Research suggests that cats understand some human language. One small study found that cats can recognize their own names, and can distinguish their owner’s voices from others. Another showed that cats may be able to form meaningful links between pictures and words.
But don’t start speaking to your cat in full paragraphs just yet. “The best place to start is by making your own behavior easier to understand,” says Nagelschneider. She suggests moving calmly, using a gentle or “baby” voice, petting lightly, and giving the cat room to approach or leave.
Allowing the cat to decide whether to initiate and continue contact is important, experts say. “If they don’t want to approach, don’t approach them,” says Stemcosky.
Nagelschneider recommends a “pause-and-observe” approach when it comes to physical contact. Offer a few gentle strokes around a cat’s preferred petting area – usually their cheeks or head – then stop. “Does the cat lean in, rub against your hand, or clearly seek more?” she asks. In that case, continue. If it turns away, remains disengaged, or leaves, give it space.
If a cat comes near you, this does not automatically mean they want to be pet. While spending time near their people is a sign of trust and affection, “a cat may sit beside you because it enjoys presence without wanting to be stroked,” Nagelschneider says. Rolling on to their back, she adds, is not an automatic invitation to a belly rub.
The key to effectively communicating with your cat, experts say, is trying to observe and understand them, and meet them halfway.
“Ultimately, understanding cats is less about teaching them to communicate, and more about becoming better observers,” says Nagelschneider. “Some of the most important things a cat tells us happen very quietly.”
