Saturday Night Live kicks off the second episode of its new season at RNC headquarters. With the midterms looking bleak for Republicans, strategists bring out some heavy hitters to record TV ads. Marco Rubio (Marcello Hernández) delivers a message in Spanish putting all of the blame on Trump (“Oh my God! He tricked us!”); a comatose Mitch McConnell (Mikey Day) is rolled in to flash the peace sign; and Vice-President JD Vance (Jeremy Culhane) tries to make his pitch for 2028, only to be laughed out of the room. Secretary of war Pete Hegseth (Colin Jost) barges in, chugging “Spider-Man’s new non-alcoholic bitch beer” to demand voters “do the gayest thing ever and vote”.
Finally, president Trump (James Austin Johnson) interrupts to deliver a rambling diatribe, promising checks for five grand to voters if they re-elect Republicans (“that’s not a bribe because I have no intention to follow through on that promise”), test out some terrible new slogans (“imagination makes a Maga nation”), and record victory and concession messages, both of which are the same: “We did it, we won!”
A much better cold open than last week, if still wanting. The show relied a little too heavily of Jost’s Hegseth last season, but the passage of time makes for a fun return here.
Dakota Johnson hosts for the second time. The actor will celebrate her birthday at the stroke of midnight by doing the same thing she does every year: “Stand in midtown in a tight-ass latex dress looking for attention.” She devotes most of her monologue making self-deprecating jokes about her high-profile failed relationships with musicians, before her BFF Taylor Swift joins her on stage, playing reluctant therapist to the romantically-challenged star. Swift’s entrance gets a huge pop from the studio audience, but the jokes elicit little more than chuckles.
Then, Johnson plays Elizabeth Banks, host of the game show Press Your Luck. Players spin a digital wheel for prizes, trying to avoid little red trouble maker The Whammy, who erases their points. Overexcited contestant Sherri (Ashley Padilla) immediately scores the million dollar prize, but stupidly continues on, only to land on the Whammy and lose it all. The same thing happens again and again, much to the chagrin of Banks and the other contestants. This is all yelling.
Mean Scary Girlfriend is a cruel, icy partner who tells helpless guys the harsh truth, making their lives both easier and way, way more stressful. Not particularly funny, but a good use of Johnson’s sexy ice queen demeanor.
At a hospital cafeteria, a trio of nurses spread work gossip until they’re interrupted by nerdy Eric from legal (Culhane), who uses the dish sesh to reveal sad information about himself (“I heard Eric from legal has an AI girlfriend – had, she killed herself”). The premise is promising, but it goes nowhere and quickly sputters out.
This is followed by a commercial for the Glunt, the first “gun for women”. It’s a pink sidearm in the shape of a vagina, with a “hard to find” trigger and available “at the opposite of Dick’s Sporting Goods”. This one is over and done with before you even realize it.
On a new Game of Thrones spin-off, Johnson and Ben Marshall play members of the royal court, whose attempts to get it on “brother-style” are continually interrupted by her fire breathing dragon, who remains in their bed chamber and likes to watch. There’s some impressive animatronics on display, but every joke falls completely flat.
Indie rockers Turnstile bring some much needed energy to the show with their first set of the night, then its on to Weekend Update. Michael Che and Jost take a page from classic Late Night with Conan O’Brian’s playbook, touching on the Cornell rape case by way of Che solemnly chastising men who don’t hold predators accountable while the camera tellingly lingers on a guilty-looking Jost.
The segment’s first guests are Jason and Link, the protagonists of the highly-anticipated new Grand Theft Auto and Zelda video games, respectively. The former promises “destruction, chaos, and sex”, while the latter boasts “TMPNG: too many puzzles, no guns.” Day follows up his show-stealing performance last week with another bombastic turn as the dweeby Link, getting his fellow cast members to break at just about every line.
Featured player Kam Patterson pretends to be a proud “Gleek”, ecstatic over the news that Glee is coming back to TV, before Che tells him, “You don’t have to say yes to every idea the white writers pitch to you.”
Then, Che welcomes on Debbie the Matchmaker (Sarah Sherman), who tries to set him up with other hopeless singles, including a phonebook’s worth of ex-felons, author and transphobe JK Rowling, a ghost, Mrs Potato Head, “the girl who crapped her pants during the Chinese marathon”, and, finally, herself. Sherman is at her bizarre best here, and its fun to see her playing off/tormenting Che instead of Jost for a change, although it feels like a missed opportunity to not include Johnson, considering she recently played a matchmaker in the popular film Materialists.
At a middle school girl sleepover, three tweens watch a series of get ready with me videos on TikTok. They land on Colorado Vicky, an unwell influencer who shares insane beauty tips while getting 51/50’d and performing self-lobotomies. Just as unwell is the host girl’s dead-eyed, suicidal father (“he’s just in a funk because mom left, his boss found his Sailor Moon costume, and he just found out Draft Kings is real money”). At first, the sketch seems unfocused, but both threads are tied together satisfactorily.
An episode of the TV series Amazing Tales of Truth sees a young girl (Veronika Slowikowska) attempt to bring her dying father out of a coma by singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. It does not work. Mean and quick, this seems designed to show off Sowikowska’s impressive pipes more than anything else.
And with that, the show comes to an abrupt end. Fitting, considered how rushed almost every sketch felt. Johnson is gifted a birthday cake for the curtain call, which is a nice gesture. Unfortunately, the atmosphere more resembles a wake than a party. Johnson, a talented screen actor, just does not have the chops for live comedy, and she was further hampered by the weak writing. With the exception of Day and Sherman’s turn on Update and Turnstile’s performances, this episode was a real energy vacuum.
