Opinion: Older male spouses are an under-recognized part of the caregiving community

When a wife moves into long-term care, her husband doesn’t necessarily stop being her caregiver. The setting changes, and so do the tasks. But many older husbands continue providing emotional and practical support, monitoring changes in their wife’s health, communicating with staff and advocating for her care.

Yet these older husbands’ needs for support can often be overlooked as well.

Consider James France in B.C., an 83-year-old husband whose wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. For months, he navigated her worsening symptoms and hospitalizations, trying to keep her safe at home. Eventually, long-term care became necessary.

Her move brought relief but also grief. After years of being both husband and caregiver, James had to learn how to remain a husband and advocate from outside the home.

He continued visiting regularly, learning about dementia, observing her care and communicating with staff. He also became involved with the family council at her long-term care home, where he helped bring positive changes, including a dining program better suited to residents’ needs.

James’s experience points to an under-recognized part of the caregiving community: older male spouses. While women continue to carry a greater share of unpaid caregiving overall, older men caring for their spouses in long-term care are often less visible in public discussions and caregiver research.

Once a partner is in long-term care, husbands may continue to help with meals, appointments and mobility, provide emotional support, monitor changes in symptoms, communicate personal preferences and advocate for appropriate care. They can be an important bridge between their partner and long-term care staff and leadership.

For some older men, that role can be difficult to navigate. Traditional expectations of masculinity — being self-reliant, solving problems independently and not asking for help — can make it harder to ask for support or raise concerns. At the same time, the transition into long-term care can also bring loneliness, guilt and anxiety as husbands adjust to a dramatically changed relationship while continuing to worry about their spouse’s care.

Yet we still know too little about the experiences of older male spousal caregivers. Our research at the University of B.C. is examining how these men navigate caregiving and what kinds of support could help them maintain their relationships and caregiving roles.

Recognizing men as active caregivers challenges persistent assumptions about who provides care and can help make caregiver supports more responsive to the people who need them.

There is also a clear local need for better communication. In B.C., 34.7 per cent of unpaid caregivers surveyed by Statistics Canada said better communication with health-care providers would have been helpful. For spouses in long-term care, being heard isn’t a minor issue; their knowledge of the person they love can be essential to quality care.