Nikki Glaser Reveals What She Almost Stole From Taylor Swift’s Wedding

“I look up at the cake, and on the top tier where the two little cake toppers are, it’s just Travis. Taylor’s missing, and I’m like, ‘Someone already took Taylor, I’m taking Travis.’ This is the perfect thing to get,” the 42-year-old recalled. “And there’s no cameras, no one has phones, so I was like, ‘No one will know it’s me.'”

No body, no crime, right? But the Bangin’ star found stealing other people’s toys on the playground won’t make you many friends.

“So I reach up, I get it. I’m two seconds from putting it in my purse,” she recounted. “It’s almost in there, and then I hear Tom Cruise be like, ‘Put me down,’ and I’m like, ‘Oh my gosh!'”

But antics aside, Glaser—a longtime Swiftie who spent about $100,000 attending 22 Eras Tour shows—thought it was unbelievable she was even invited to Swift and Kelce’s nuptials to begin with.

“I got the text inviting me to the wedding,” Glaser said. “I never thought in a million years I’d get invited. I don’t even know them, but I got invited, and I’m like shaking as I’m opening it.”

“I am in there for 12 hours, and none of my family or friends know where I am,” she continued. “I’m just off the grid for 12 hours. They’re texting me. My location’s off. They all thought I killed myself because I wasn’t invited, but I was actually inside, and I have nothing to show for it, because I had to turn in my phone.”

But the high-security event also meant that a lot of the A-list guests didn’t get a plus one, including Jennifer Lopez.

“It was interesting because some of these celebrities were alone, and these people are never alone,” she joked. “But like J.Lo was alone. J.Lo was kind of like a wallflower, like alone, awkward. And J.Lo’s never alone—I mean, she is in her heart.”

So, Glaser explained that the pair went to the bathroom together.

“We were like pals all night. I got to show her how a public restroom works. That was really cool for her. She was confused by the toilet seat,” she quipped. “I wiped her. I mean, I did keep that toilet paper, that was my something brown. No, I didn’t wipe J.Lo—she made me put water in my mouth and bidet her down.”

Someone play “Clean” by Taylor Swift.

To find out which other guests had a million little shining stars that just aligned to attend Swift and Kelce’s wedding, read on for more details on the bash.